I'm so sorry

Dear Phyllis,

I turns out I actually do have your Basquiat DVD. I know I said I accidentally stole just the empty case, but in fact, I stole the whole thing and gave you the empty case by accident. Or rather, just the last part was by accident. What I'd meant to do was steal the case and the DVD and give you back the case and the DVD instead of just the case and keeping the DVD which is what actually happened. Okay, if you really want to know what actually happened, I'll tell you:

So we went to your housewarming party, it was delightful, thank you ever so much for inviting us. And while we were there we were dancing to the Notorious B.I.G. and having a great time when I noticed your copy of Basquiat on you're little DVD shelf. So I said, "ohmigod, you've been telling me how much I should see this movie, you've already seen it, no doubt like a hundred times, so I'll just take it and watch it and tell you what I think and then give it back and that'll be great." So I did. And I told you to your face, or maybe it was Becky's face, they can look vaguely similar when you've been drinking and spinning around to hip-hop beats all night, you know how it is! Anyway, that night I went home with Chris. I don't mean, we "went home together" or anything, I mean I took him home with me. Er, rather, he lives far away and I live not-as-far-away so I let him crash on my futon. Or rather, it's Wright's futon, but it's in my--I mean our-- apartment, and so I'm like the caretaker of the futon when Wright's not around and since Chris is good friends with Wright I thought Wright wouldn't mind if Chris slept on his futon. It's not his futon like as in the futon he sleeps on, it's his as in he owns it. He [Wright] sleeps on his new bed from Ikea.

So anyway, I was beat from walking home from your fabulous party so I went to bed. Chris was not beat. He never is. We think he has like cancer of the pituitary or something and instead of sending out regulatory hormones to keep his endocrine system in check, Chris' pituitary oozes straight crystal methamphetamine 24/7. I have proof that Chris was acting like a wild-man that night. So while I slept, Chris was playing with my computer. I know this because when I opened it up in the morning, it was on some porn site that I'd never heard of. But besides jerking off to jpegs, Chris was also watching your copy of Basquiat, on my computer! I didn't find out untill days later --after we'd already rented it and watched it-- when I tried to put in my copy of Age of Empires II. There was already a disc in my computer and when I ejected it it was, in fact, your copy of Basquiat.

I. Am. So. Sorry.

Please don't fire me again.

Love,
Elliot
your humble documentarian.

P.S. You can come over any time to pick it up!

Hi1

Hi,

I am Phyliss, writing from Sonya's blog account, which is so kind of her.

I'm a genius, but more on that later. You'll see.

I don't like bubble tea.

My documentarian is Elliot Sharron. I hired him based on the fact that he could do 350 jumping jacks in a row while reciting the play, "Six Degrees of Separation", by heart.
He also did a commercial for Land o' Lakes starring Celine Dion.

I was impressed.

Welcome!

Welcome to the weblog of Phyllis Stein, personal friend of KRS-One.